High Heels are an essential need for females. Ill be the first to admit a chick who can rock a pair of heels confidently, and go out in them and not look like the pain your feet are in is ruining your night, I salute you and you may keep reading on for the pleasure of knowing this post isn’t about you. However if you are part of the group of girls who knows that guys like heels and tries to wear them even though you should never even have been allowed to try them on at payless wear you got them then this post is for you personally and I hope it helps because I mean lets be honest…..
I know your sick of coming home on a Friday night and having to soak your feet in a bathtub filled with hot water and oils and soaps and creams or whatever you do. Because when you are out and walking around like Frankenstein sat on a fire hydrant believe me people notice. Let me add also just cause your wearing 7 inch heels with jewels on them that look like my little sister could have done a better job with her bedazzler doesn’t make you a better looking girl. And for god sake girls who came up with the idea of putting your shoes in a pile and dancing around them. I have been to bars and clubs that I have seen people fuck, puke and die on these bar/club floors. And your ogre ass is rocking your kankled nasty feet all over this floor and still think your looking good. But don’t worry ladies keep dancing and laughing that group of guys in the corner are just pointing and laughing at you like they should be. Either that or throwing up due to the fact that now the bottom of your feet just went from being somewhat tolerable … to damn they are screaming in those heels…to national geographic walking around the Amazon barefoot in an hour.
Now that we have pointed out the problem let me help you out with a little list to see if should add yourself to the list of the should never wear heels gang.
1. If you have a penis- simple, I’m not a homophobe or anything I have gay friends and they will even tell these dudes to stop trying so hard.
2.If you’re ankle meat is sticking out the slits that are suppose to be sexy on the side of shoe. These are to make the model of the shoe have a sexy look to it. Not make the shoe look like it has a clit.
3. When you stick your feet into the heel and your shrek like toes curl up on the bottom like an accordion. Don’t try and lie to your friends who are also wearing heels and probably wear them well. Your toes are already numb in the tight ass shoes. Take them off through on some uggs like the other big girls do or simply buy some shoes that fit. Smaller shoes don’t make a difference, shoes that fit will.
4. There are a small number of girls who simply know how to walk in heels. Guys will be the first to tell you there is a certain sexy way to do so that we like. Basically just go on youtube and look up when Dennis Rodman’s wedding video when he dressed up as a woman. If you walk anyway like him take the shoes off! Your joints are suppose to bend ladies don’t robot yourself all the way to the club just because the severe pain in those heels wont let you walk normal.
Now I apologize for this rant ahead of time quite frankly I shouldn’t just because I am probably pointing out some serious issues to people who were simply blind to their problem. However if you do find yourself offended by this post then your welcome you are probably a serious offender. Maybe next time you wont put your big ass feet into little ass heels and go into public. But if you do then Ill say thank you for all the guys you will walk around tonight and give them a night full of laughter. I’ll even say thank you for your friends too because they are for sure talking and laughing behind your back because girls are evil and that’s what they do. A final hint if you are done getting ready and you turn to your girls and ask how you look if the answer is “girllll you loook gooooood” most likely you don’t and the other girls just want you to be the ugly girl in the group.
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